More thoughts

Aren't relationships scary? Being in a relationship means opening yourself up to someone who can end up hurting you. At a certain point it becomes trusting your partner completely to stand by you through thick and thin. Now that I think about it, I realize that that kind of bond is hard to come by. Some don't ever find it at all.

Wouldn't it be theoretically easier to just rely on yourself for everything? Without a partner you only have to look out for yourself. There is no need to please someone else. The only feelings you have to be concerned about are your own. In theory that sounds great, doesn't it? No need for responsibility for someone else.

Yet, that life seems lonely. To me at least. Though it may seem great to not have to bother with the difficulties relationships bring, it's nice to have someone to share things with. You know, stupid things like watching ducks eat in the water, the way their butts kind of just pop up and look funny. Sharing silence. Writing a hand written letter to them recalling all the moments you liked the most but never had the time to say it to their face. Stupid stuff. Having a partner to share my stupid stuff with is great. Its one of my favorite things about a relationship. 

My thoughts are really all over the place, but I kind of like just jotting them down without editing anything I'm trying to say. Maybe it seems more raw. At the same time though, I want to go back and make sure all my thoughts are covered in a way that is cohesive so that I can convey my thoughts more accurately. But maybe typing them out as I think of them does that already.

I'm talking to my boyfriend on Skype tomorrow. I'll probably talk to him about this relationship stuff. I don't know what he'll say. Maybe we'll have a deep conversation about it, maybe the subject will only last for a few minutes before we move on to talking about something else. These kinds of serious conversations can't really be planned, they kind of just happen. Though I'm hoping that we can talk about it for awhile. I could use another person's opinion to figure out what mine is. Not that I'll agree or disagree with someone else's opinion right away, but hearing someone else's thoughts about something helps me figure out whether or not I agree or disagree, which ends up helping me figure out what my real thoughts and opinions are. Yes. I'd like to talk to someone about relationships and love. Because right now, my faith in love isn't as strong as it was a week ago. Not that I don't want it or don't think that my relationship right now isn't great, but I wonder how you find true love, if you can even find it, or if it truly exists. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend doesn't know if he believes in love. I guess I don't either considering the fact that 1. I'm questioning its existence and 2. I haven't found it.

I'd sure like to find true love though.